I’m sitting here bawling at my computer because I got the most amazing letter of commitment from Candice in Provo, Utah. I hope that you find it as moving as I do. I respect the courage it takes to write such a letter and submit yourself so openly to the world. Please understand that we can help with weightloss but the journey is to be physically and spiritually healthy. I know that by making small changes Candice will begin to feel happier about herself.
I still haven’t been quite sure how to go about all of this so I just had to get it all out and get myself a clean slate. I knew if I didn’t write this all out I would just hop on here hoping to get a healthier life but end up living vicariously through everyone else on here. This is a big step for me because I’m afraid to admit I’ve gotten to this hideous point. But here it is world! This is scary because I feel so vulnerable but this is me, but it’s only going to get better.
Today begins a new chapter for me. This is my official exercise journal where I will document pretty much every aspect
of my life.
This is me. I eat like crap. Cookies for breakfast, maybe a handful of crunchy Cheetos with apple juice. Then for lunch,
some pasta another cookie or whatever other sugary treat happened to be handy. For dinner, I’d make something a
little more healthy but then around 10:00 I’d begin editing photos (I’m a photographer)and I’d get the munchies and eat
a popsicle or a piece of cake or again, whatever sweet thing was around. Really anything that happens to be sitting
where I can see it. I watch the biggest loser and think, holy crap I should be on that show.
Being completely honest and open, my self-esteem sucks. To be even more honest is always has! For some reason I feel
like everything always applies to everyone else. I don’t know if this is normal or not. She’s so toned, but heck yeah, she’s
earned it. There’s something holding me back from just being able to go all out. There’s always an excuse. For the past
six years it’s been one of the two: 1. I’m pregnant and tired or 2. I’ve got a newborn and my body needs to heal. I have
major leakage problems in the, uh, urinary department. I tried kegels off and on for a while. I can’t laugh, sneeze or jog
20 ft without peeing just a little. So I just get to the point where I don’t want to pee my pants all the time and I quit
I am an unfit Mormon.
Sometimes I tell myself if I workout I will feel better but then something convinces me I’m not good enough, that I’m not
like all those other amazing women. I’m stuck with what I have.
When I was younger I was pretty thin. Graduating HS I weighed 120. I always told myself, when I my inner thighs started
touching THAT’S when I’d start exercising. When my thighs started touching I told myself, when my tricep area starts
doin the Relief Society jiggle THAT’S when I’d start exercising. When that would happen, I promised myself when I
started to get love handles THAT of course is when I would start exercising. You can probably guess that none of that
worked. I could eat pretty much whatever I wanted until I turned 32. Ever since that (and having my fourth baby)
nothing I do works. Mainly because I know I’m not doing everything properly. I’d look on pinterest and see all these
skinny girls looking amazing and think, she’s just built skinny. I had this vision of how I wanted to be but I’d go in circles
looking for the right things to put in my body or the proper exercises to do and it would become so overwhelming I’d
start pinteresting other things.
That’s when I am a Fit Mormon and Abs are made in the Kitchen came along and I feel like my soul was rescued. I love
that I, as a normal woman am speaking with other normal women that are going through the same things in different
degrees as me. It makes me feel like I don’t have to hide. That I don’t have to be ashamed of where I’m at physically
because every person has a beginning; a starting place.
For one week now, I’ve been sugar free…for the most part. At least I’m no longer on purpose adding sugar into my day
except for the occasional cookie or treat with my kiddo. I despise diets and refuse to go on them, but I will still have the
occasional cookie but it’s not until I have already had enough greens in my day and I will just have one…instead of 4 or 5.
Emotionally I feel like I’m a more stable person. I don’t know if that’s because I feel like I have more control of my life or
what but I tell that voice in my head that tells me I’ll never be good enough, to go away. That it doesn’t belong there. I
remind myself that this is just week 1. Still the honeymoon phase of lets get healthy mode but I believe if I do things I
can maintain instead of feel like they’re this ginormous obstacle I’ll never push through it will become a lifestyle change
instead of a phase.
As per ImaFitMormon suggested I am going to go do a 20 minute workout now.
I am a large size 10 and a small size 12. My current naked weight is 146.8 lbs but I don’t care so much about my weight
but my health. That is my current goal and mindset.